Mortality & Mercy In Arkleby

The Renaissance Couple have been off to the Isle of Skye for the weekend. I was awarded custody of the dogs. For those of you unfamiliar with the full extent of the canine element of the household these are - Cass (Alsatian, placid, old), Ben (Trail-hound, dignified, wuss), The Princess of Darkness (Patterdale terrier, puppy, bitch). So what's the bill of reckoning for this three-day canine carnival? In brief:

• terrier outrages, vomitory - none (v good)


• terrier outrages, liquid - four (v bad)


• terrier outrages, solid - one (v bad)


• 7-kilo sacks of Oscar dog-food gnawed through and contents partially devoured - one (deplorable)


• terrier atrocities where trail-hounds were the principal victims - too many to count (predictable)


• enigmatic disappearances of trail-hound & terrier - one (bad)


• Alsation food supplements eaten by terriers - two (v bad)

The more liberal readers of this blog may choose to believe that this is mere scaremongering over the Terrier Menace stalking rural Cumbria, but I think that it clearly establishes a pattern of offending . . .