'Agree With Everything - Deny Nothing - Embellish All

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Mortality & Mercy In Arkleby

The Renaissance Couple have been off to the Isle of Skye for the weekend. I was awarded custody of the dogs. For those of you unfamiliar with the full extent of the canine element of the household these are - Cass (Alsatian, placid, old), Ben (Trail-hound, dignified, wuss), The Princess of Darkness (Patterdale terrier, puppy, bitch). So what's the bill of reckoning for this three-day canine carnival? In brief:

  • terrier outrages, vomitory - none (v good)

  • terrier outrages, liquid - four (v bad)

  • terrier outrages, solid - one (v bad)

  • 7-kilo sacks of Oscar dog-food gnawed through and contents partially devoured - one (deplorable)

  • terrier atrocities where trail-hounds were the principal victims - too many to count (predictable)

  • enigmatic disappearances of trail-hound & terrier - one (bad)

  • Alsation food supplements eaten by terriers - two (v bad)
The more liberal readers of this blog may choose to believe that this is mere scaremongering over the Terrier Menace stalking rural Cumbria, but I think that it clearly establishes a pattern of offending . . .


Anonymous Nick C. said...

Typical of today's youngsters. Does the young terrier wear a hoodie?

Slap an ASBO on her, or get the Deputy PM to give her a good thump.

24/5/05 8:55 pm  
Blogger Nick said...

String 'em up . . . it's the only language they understand . . . (errmm. . shurely 'bark at them'? Ed)

24/5/05 11:37 pm  
Anonymous Eleanor & Gladys said...

I've been telling you for years that you need a cat.

26/5/05 1:49 am  
Blogger RenMan said...

Ah.. Nick you forgot to mention the cat!!

30/5/05 5:30 pm  

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