'Agree With Everything - Deny Nothing - Embellish All

Thursday, June 30, 2005

The War Of Dogs

I'm dog-sitting again. Sad to relate, strife has broken out among the canine elements of the Renaissance Couple's household. The Princess of Darkness, suddenly overcome with the first flush of adolescent hormones, felt compelled to dispute the title of Top Bitch In House with Cass the Alsatian. Now Cass is something of a grande dame d'un certain age, who's essentially docile, (recreations: sleeping & eating), but not the sort to stand any nonsense from adolescent slappers. The result has been scenes of dreadful carnage, skin & hair flying, visits to the vet, stitches & antibiotics. Cry Havoc indeed.
So a De-Militarized Zone has been declared. Cass is exiled to the cottage, while the Princess continues to frolic darkly in the house. Each is clearly convinced she's now the sole legitimate representative of bitchdom hereabouts, a sort of China & Taiwan of the western canine world. Alas, each is living in her own private fool's paradise - and I'm enjoying the regular entertainment of walks, feeds & treats. This cannot, of course, be allowed to go on. A safe haven is being arranged for one of the combatants. Deportation looms . . . . but for which bitch?

6 Comments:

Blogger Miles said...

If you need an ethologist I can do house calls.

30/6/05 11:51 pm  
Anonymous Dr John said...

Dogs don't do sharing,fairness and democracy. Once there's a hierarchy established they're happy. Until then there's trouble. You can help by making it clear that YOU are top dog, and that you know their pecking order. Feed top bitch first and give her the highest bed. Doesn't fit comfortably with liberal intellectual sentiments, but it works. Think dog.

1/7/05 9:43 am  
Blogger Miles said...

That's very wolf, and some people argue a hell of a lot that domestic dogs are different. I think they're talking crap though, if worst comes to worst, bite the ear of the trouble maker.

Showing just the sides of your teeth is much more of a threat than baring your entire collection as well, puts the shits up my dog.

If you want to do something to calm them down, yawn. Works with most large mammals (air breathing...), when you yawn all your major muscles relax and it just says "I'm bored, you're boring me, you're not going to get any attention for what you're doing now." Don't cover your mouth, it's important they get the full blow of the yawn, as it were...

1/7/05 10:59 am  
Blogger Nick said...

Thanks for the advice & offers chaps. Unfortunately, the other party to the dispute is a Patterdale Terrier. We've taken expert advice & the consensus seems to be separation or death . . .

2/7/05 7:26 pm  
Anonymous Trev said...

One last idea - get a cat preferably a big male one. They'll all have a go at the cat, but soon discover it can climb high and drop on them at which point the cat suddenly becomes the dominent dog and peace is restored (allegedly).

Trev

11/7/05 2:21 pm  
Blogger Nick said...

Teev - the cat's only got three legs, so climbing trees is a bit tricky. But I'll have a word with him . . .

13/7/05 8:33 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home