'Agree With Everything - Deny Nothing - Embellish All

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Why Does The Writer in Res get all the good gigs. I get Barrow In Furness

Yesterday I went to Barrow In Furness (BIF). Technically in Cumbria, but with an LA postcode. Is there something they haven't told us. Joy of Joy they are moving it to America!! Anyway- yesterday I went to BIF. I went via Keswick, Ambleside, Newby Bridge, Ulverston and came back via 'the coast road'. 62 miles and 2hrs 26 mins to get back. I think I died at one point. I have friends and family in BIF but I cannot see for the life of me why anybody would want to live there. I was visiting Furness Internet and their subsidiary icontrol who provide Shepley with our web-based management system; the server for which is based in BIF. This is fine 'cos the web makes everywhere in the world equally accessible and equally attractive. There must be parts of BIF worth a visit, but the Town Centre is not one of them.
I was early for the meeting so I had a wander into town with the thought of having a haircut and possibly a light lunch in one of the many brasseries. The first problem is that the hairdressers close on Mondays and the second problem was I couldn't bring myself to enter any of the eateries. My aversion to so many pound shops, nail bars, amusement arcades (free coffee to all who enter), furniture shops complete with protective weldmesh over the windows, tattoo parlours, replica weapons (I kid you not - and what the hell is a fantasy knife?), left me more than a little depressed. So picking my way through a traffic jam of motorised wheelchairs trying to escape a sea of chewing gum I beat a retreat. My tinitus had reached a level which I thought was audible to one of the many mongrels on extendable leads outside the Fu_ness Pound Sh_p ('we cash cheques') when I spotted the word Tinitus on the window of a Chinese Herbalist shoe-horned between a sandwich bar and a sports trophy shop. Thirty minutes and 80 later I was the possessor of a month's supply of Fu Fang and Suanzagarentang Wan.
It is now Tuesday I am back at home the tinitus is no worse and no better. I resolve to buy future supplies via t'internet.
A little known fact: Barrow is the home of Kate's Skates the biggest online inline skates emporium in Britain. I'm told that the online shop sells 3 times more than the huge shop in Dalkieth Road. Sounds like our skaters have decided it's easier by the internet.


Blogger Nick said...

'Good gigs'? Look, I went & visited Maryport of my own free will . . .

21/6/05 11:53 pm  
Anonymous Trev said...

"Yesterday I went to Barrow In Furness" - you poor person, now lay down on the couch and tell professor Trev all about that experience....well they do say talking about a trauma can help with overcoming it although I think we might need to book you in for at least 6 months... ;)

"...and came back via 'the coast road'." - eek! You don't dress up in tight leathers at weekends and have a dominatrix (how Google spells it) thrust lit fags into your most painful areas, do you? It's just that's about the only thing more unpleasant than driving down the coast road that I can possibly think of especially after visiting BIF!


11/7/05 2:37 pm  
Blogger RenMan said...

Trev: One of my employees now refuses to acknowledge that BIF exists. I found the BIF page of his atlas scrunched up on my desk one morning.

'If it's not on the map I cant go there' He went there once, via the coast road

17/7/05 2:22 am  

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