No, I Am Not White Van Man, Nor Was Meant To Be . . .

The double is out there, somewhere . . . a couple of weeks ago I was over in Penrith with La V at a social event. A stranger accosted me, convinced that he had recently met me at an orchid-growers' convention. His embarrassment on realising his mistake was palpable. Last Tuesday at The Bitter End in Cockermouth's elegant Kirkgate, The Thoughtful Scotsman assured me he'd seen me driving a white van at speed through downtown Wigton on Sunday afternoon. I gave him my alibi (halfway round Ennerdale Water at the time, as La V will testify). These mis-sightings can mean only one thing - my doppelganger is back. He turns up infrequently: I once saw him myself when I was cycling down Madingley Road in Cambridge - and he was cycling in the opposite direction; a few days later my girlfriend arrived at a rendezvous, sat down and found herself staring at - someone who was almost but not quite me. I suppose it is just possible that I have a separated-at-birth twin somewhere in Cumbria (twins run in my mother's family), but I'm sure that my parents would have mentioned it to me at some point. If he really exists, he's presumably driving a van full of orchids around the northern counties. Have you seen this man?