You've Got Mail . . .

The Renaissance couple's garden gate is adorned by an American style post-box, an elaborate metal contraption with a perky little red rod that pops up to signal the arrival of news from the outside world . . . But sometimes we have trouble distinguishing the medium from the message. One recent morning we found within the box a brown paper bag, unaddressed, which contained: two long strips of velcro, a black suspender belt, and a sachet of laxative inscribed with what turned out to be the phone number of the West Lakes Renaissance Agency.
What did it mean? Perhaps the more sophisticated members of Cumbrian society were using it as a dead letter-box for bizarre love-calls? Perhaps it was all quite innocent? Suspicion fell upon the Wandering Minstrel, but he has departed to build a yurt (fn) in Lancaster, and have a prolonged jam session with his seven-piece all-girl bongo band.
We shall never know the truth.
FN: Yurt (noun), an eco-friendly portable construction used as a shelter or dwelling-place. Also, a sort of Geordie pleasure-boat.