Living In A (Maryport) Gangsta's Paradise

Before I returned to my native county one of the more charmless aspects of life in London was the location, just round the corner from my flat, of South London's main stretch-limo agency. It was practically impossible to set foot outside or drive towards Clapham without encountering one of the monsters, usually packed to the rafters with blinged-up members of Sarf Lunnon's wannabe gangsta posse.
Evidently, this kind of thing is now quite passe in the capital, because someone's just unloaded his surplus vehicles onto a local entrepreneur. This afternoon Cockermouth was crawling with the things, packed to the rafters with what looked & sounded like blinged-up members of my hometown's junior chav fraternity.
I shall be spending the weekend scouring the local hardware shops for one of those terribly useful 'stinger' devices you see on the reality TV shows the traffic cops kindly produce for our entertainment.