Yesterday – I nearly acquired a criminal record

I'm going through what I call a dusting phase. As I approach retirement (only 12 weeks to go) I have become obsessed with tidying, filing stuff, oh and finding dust. Sad! I was struggling out of Staples with 5 large leverarch files (nice plastic ones with an extra strong spring thing) and a pack of 'bandit' elastic bands – they've got labels affixed to the bands so's you can write on the contents of the bundle – sorry… The lady on the till, seeing my plight, asked if I needed a bag or help for the files. 'No' says I 'think of the planet'. On arriving at the car doing that thing of tucking everything under my chin whilst I try to find the last pocket for the keys it dawns on me that I have not paid for my swag. In the excitement and desire to get back home to do some decent cataloging I'd walked straight passed the tills. I turned went back to the shop and 'fessed.

They had assumed that the old dodderer (aged rock and roll icon I prefer) had paid at one of the other tills. There was much hilarity. It was noted though that if I'd been a teenager, in a hood, with slightly more spots, that I would probably have been banged up in Carlisle Castle jail by now nursing a black eye and looking forward to an ASBO.