The Gore-Tex Event Horizon

Judging by the bank holidays crowds yesterday, the only viable form of economic activity within a two mile radius of Keswick Moot Hall is the retailing of high-ticket designer outdoor wear. The entire area has passed through what Douglas Adams would have recognised as 'the Gore-Tex Event Horizon'. Heaven knows what ghastly economic forces warp and distort human experience and behaviour in this hellish zone, but the results seem to pull in visitors from across the UK and compel them to punish their credit cards with yellow and red waterproof jackets, purple gaiters, and lightweight ceramic trekking poles festooned with images of the late Chris Brasher. We tried calling the fashion police, but they were already dealing with a dangerous spillage of Burberry wax near Penrith.