'Agree With Everything - Deny Nothing - Embellish All

Monday, October 17, 2005

Dustbin Laden

I am at risk, again, of offending the Barrow-In-Furness Simmering Hostility Police. This time the focus of my 'just off boiling' pointed remarks is Allerdale Refuse Management. Refuse = Garbage (for the benefit of our American readers). Refuse Management doesn't mean refuse management.... I'm labouring this ... move on quick.
Allerdale Borough Council charge the Ren Household an additional £2.56 a week for the privilege of having Trade Waste. The waste generated by our holiday cottage business is classed as Trade Waste NOT domestic. Are you with me still? I am written to once or twice a year by Brian Stansfield (head of Trade Waste Services- Allerdale) asking me to define the waste to a number of codes (a 2 page form!!) to say: how it will be contained; who the holder of the waste is; where it can be collected; and if am I the producer? I have to enter into a contract for them to provide me with an extra bin and for them to remove the waste. I send the form to them in duplicate;they sign and send it back. A struck off solicitor (Alan James) would charge £80 plus VAT to do this. I am losing the will.
Once a quarter they bill me £42 for the privilege. I have to pay once I get the bill as they do not accept direct debit (nor over payment). Brian S and I get on really well. He is only doing the job. It's the system that's stupid. Inevitably I miss the payment date. The system sends me a red letter. I pay. They send me another red letter there is some crossing in the post. I cannot remember if I have paid or not. I pay again. They now have a variance on my account they assume any variancece is negative. They withdraw my bin. I remonstrate. They apologise. I say keep the money 'it's only £42 .. treat it as an advance. NO they say, good humordly, we will send you a cheque. And so they do. They return a bin (this time smaller than the one I had). The refuse collection lorry drives over both bins and smashes lids. 6 months pass. I do not complain ... a bin without a lid is a lidless bin? One day last month an additonal lidded bin appeared on the front lawn. Things are looking up. I put the bin to use. 2 days ago one of the old bins (full of garbage) goes missing. I am now confused. I now have a large sulo bin (green wuith red lid) and a black smallish lidless bin. Which of these 2 bins is being charged at £2.56 a week?
According to my records I have not had an invoice for garbage since April.. have I missed one? Have they confiscated my bin? Who is the Queen of the Netherlands? What was the date of the South Sea Bubble? So many questions.. so little time. How many roads must a man walk down? I should 'phone Mr Stansfield and straighten this thing out but can I really be bothered. It is probably worth £2.56 a week not to have them write to me. The Martin Scorsese Dylan retrospective was wonderful by the way.


Blogger Nick said...

There's a pastiche of the great man's epic 'Clothes Line Saga' waiting to be written here . . . 'Dust Bin Saga'. Would make a good BanJaxed song . . .

18/10/05 11:32 pm  
Blogger RenMan said...

The Thot Plickens. I tried today to get a new bin. Could I have a big green sulo bin? NO she says.. there are only 2 possibly 3 people in residence so you get a small one. Create less waste!!!! I agree 'spend less .. do less'

19/10/05 10:53 pm  

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