'Agree With Everything - Deny Nothing - Embellish All

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

At Last - Les Delices de SA. 5 Star Sign Wars

Our local village in WCSA boasts 'the only 5 star restaurant' in the Western Cape. Or so it says on three of the biggest road-side signs adorning the 20k's of country road from the main N2 to Greyton. Beautifully made signs they may be. However they are totally uneccesary and unwanted. For a start Herman, the german proprietor of the Greyt-on-Main (getit?) Restaurant & Rooms thinks that signs should be fullsome in their praise of his establishment. I assume he wrote the copy himself. To read everything on the sign requires a stop of 5 minutes or so a) to read and b) to understand the meaning. There's even a super text on a flyboard above the main board proclaiming the establishment to be ' The 3 A's broker for Accomodation, Activity and .... " another A which I can't remember 'cos I was going to fast at the first sign, missed the second sign and ran out of interest at the third. Oh! and what does 0% commission mean? I think it's an in-joke dig at the many estate agents in the town. The erection of the signs has caused a whole load of comment and downturn in his business I believe. The locals have decided that such boasting and the spoiling of the views wins Herman no friends. In fact there is now unwelcome interest in 'who was the awarding body for the 5 stars?' I am told that the food is very good but not 5star good... it's a german restaurant in South African for godsake. Unless he got the stars for 5 ways with eisbein and cabbage. All agree that it is a mystery.
Last night though war broke out. There had been talk and letters in the press calling for Herman to remove the signs. He said he would respond on his return from Namibia (on a pig knuckle buying trip?). It seems that Persons Against Uneccasry Signage and Eisbein (PAUSE) decided to take the signs down and destroy them. The village is happy... no-one has owned up.... Herman will be furious, unless of course it was he who did the deed in an attempt win back customers. I for one would not have eaten there until the offending signage had been removed.
Tonight we return to WCUK so a review of das eisbein vil hev to vait until after Christmas.

6 Comments:

Blogger Nick said...

Isn't one of the common definitions of hell 'Where the Germans are in charge of the catering'?

31/8/05 6:24 pm  
Blogger RenMan said...

Rowan Atkinson?

3/9/05 6:57 pm  
Blogger Nick said...

I once trod the boards with him you know . . .

3/9/05 7:03 pm  
Blogger RenMan said...

ah .. I remember. Does being heduated hat St Bees make im a Cumbrian?

4/9/05 12:29 am  
Blogger Nick said...

I believe he was from Hexham or thereabouts . . . over the border.

7/9/05 8:26 pm  
Blogger RenMan said...

Update: Herman the german is actually Helmut (I feel another pun coming on... resist!)Anyway it has been reported that Helmut is livid. He has written to all 500 inhabitants of Greyton explaining why he erected the signs in the first place and has offered a reward for the information as to who chopped his signs down. He has also threatened to replace them in STEEL. The local aesthetics committee have written an open letter to the local gazette opposing the re-erection and supporting whoever got rid of the originals. A petition is being raised to have Helmut thrown out of town. Meanwhile Barry (the dodgey ex-pat Financial Advisor) has done a runner leaving his wife of 31 years and their 6 dogs in a soon to be repossessed house in Von Solm street. The smart money is on Bazza having done the signs because Helmut sold him a house Feb which is now worth less than it was. Only in Africa??

11/9/05 4:39 pm  

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