Groucho, Thou Shouldst Be Living At This Hour

Cockermouth Main Street, a few days before Christmas. I enter an off-licence and buy a bottle of reliably good single malt ahead of my departure for the Deep North. The establishment's swanky new POS system blinks at me with an animated Santa and an important seasonal message: "(Well-known Scotch manufacturer) asks that you enjoy alcohol responsibly this Christmas". To which corporatist inanity I can only respond in the words of G Marx Esq - Thanks - but I've got other plans . . .